Dee’s Nuts

October 4, 2007

I have some awful news. Actually, “awful” doesn’t even begin to describe this…

Normally I would simply let something like this this fester inside of me, so as to not bring anyone else down. This time however, I cannot bear the weight by myself and I must share this piece of horrible news with you…

“Due to government food regulations regarding contact with perishable food products, Dee’s Nuts is now only permitted to Cleavage Filter (their) world famous salted peanuts in a shell.”salty-new1.jpg                      

For those of you unlucky souls who never had the pleasure of experiencing for yourselves the heavenly flavor that results from cleavage filtering, I can only offer my most sincere condolences – for you may never again be able to “taste the difference that breasts make”. The only respite I can offer is that they haven’t yet taken away the individual, quality nut sacks accompanying each package.

I have no doubt that their Salted Peanuts in a Shell are delicious, and even without the cleavage filtering process, I’m certain the other 7 varieties of Dee’s Nuts will continue to be the most delicious nuts on the market.

Still, I can’t help but feel a level of despair I haven’t felt since my dreams of forming a Drunken Lawn Dart League were crushed  – when lawn darts were taken of the market after being deemed “too dangerous”.

Yes my friends – this is just one more case of government bureaucracy spiraling out of control – of our tax dollars being used for the evil bidding of puritans – of another of our cherished freedoms and pastimes being taken out back, stripped naked, hog-tied, whipped, beaten, stabbed, shot and thrown in the wood-chipper.

I’m pretty sure this means the terrorists have won.


One comment

  1. […] these don’t do it for you (wimp), don’t overlook the fine products available from Dee’s Nuts, The Beerbelly, and T-Shirt […]

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